Wednesday, March 24, 2004
Hey, this one is going to be kind of personal (not in a faggoty way, just in a way that many probably wont get). But here it goes anyway:

This is one for you Nick. That's right, Nick Inman. We used to be good friends and I don't know, I guess we sort of just drifted apart. I mean, I'm sorry about that, especially if I've ever been mean to you in the process of us drifting. We had some good times and you're a good kid. So, I hope you accept my apology if I have ever been mean to you, I really hope I haven't and if I have I feel terrible about it. I'm sorry. There's a lot more I could say but I wont. So, if you read this, which I hope you do, just know we had good times, we just don't seem to work as friends as well anymore. And, by the way, if you haven't lost Full Throttle, could you give that to Arthur, he wants to borrow it and I still think you have it. (And I didn't just say all that stuff to get that game back from you, I meant it).

This just goes to show how things can fall apart. Friendships don't last... lots of things don't. I'm especially finding out that love doesn't last (I'd rather not explain the situation). But, the bottom line is that someone, even a parent, cannot be loved forever... things can happen... things can change. Love is not constant, or even very prominent (just watch the evening news). So, to everyone, just be thankful for the love you have... I don't have very much right now... in anyway, so, hold on to what you have and try to make your love last, without love we are nothing.

Oh, and before I leave you, I just want to let you know that thought the theme of this entry was apology, loss, friendship, and love... I can still kick your ass, so don't think I'm a wimp. I can kick your ass like it's never been kicked before.
Friday, March 19, 2004
Today I don't have a major agenda but I just saw something that I had to write about. So, it's Friday and I'm just sort of sitting... waiting for nightfall. I was getting kind of bored (to say the least) so I decided to play some old school Mario 3 (greatest game ever, next to old school Mario 1... of course) and I had remembered where the 3rd whistle was! For those of you who are uneducated in the way of Mario... I pity you, but also, that just means I remembered something cool. Now, getting on with the story, I went online to tell my good buddy John what I had discovered. However, he was nowhere to be found. So, like any bored teenager of this day and age, I started reading other people's blog's. Then I struck upon Huan's. She had an interesting entry that made me quite upset:

"Guys are always asking...what do girls want from guys...well, I asked around...and here's what I've found out for you.

What girls love in guys:
~Sense of Humor
~Easy to talk to
~Smell Good
~Guys that don't brag
~Nice Body
~Guys that aren't slobs and live in a pig pen
~Dress nicely

Hope this helps somewhat...Good luck..."

This angers me on many levels. It further proves my thoughts that women can be dirty, dirty liars. But, first off, you girls need to realize that there is no perfect man. "Mr. Right" is bullshit. No Prince Charming exists. Secondly, I know many guys who naturally fit much of that description and they remain womanless. I'm not saying that I have the answer to what girls want (if only I knew!), but, I do know that they don't know what they want. They say that something is attractive... then go for the complete opposite; they say something is completely unattractive... then go for it.

Woman confuse me beyond belief. If any girls have any questions as to what guys want from you, it is this: make up your goddamn mind on what you want... and give blow jobs... lots and lots of blow jobs.

Anyway, that's all I had to say. Later.

For those of you wondering, this is not the entry about love alluded to in the first entry. Also, these are no personal attacks on you Huan (if you even read this) I was merely using what you posted to display my frustration and I thank you for giving me that.
Monday, March 15, 2004
Once again, I can't think of something good to say so I'm just going to post another poem. I wrote this one over the summer, it was the thing that overcame my six month writer's block. I'm listening to "Cygnus X-1: Book II, Hemispheres" by Rush right now, these lyrics are so brilliant I can't take it. I couldn't bring myself to write a new one after hearing these, so that's why I'm posting an old one, if this doesn't cut the muster, tell me and I'll write a new one:

The Tower

A tall shadow is cast
over the forest of green.
At first you marvel,
but that has passed,
and now your pants are no longer clean.

Jet black clouds circle around
the blood red flag above.
The stones of hate
keep it from hitting the ground,
so it may know no love.

Towers are built
And towers are destroyed.
Their purpose mythological,
Reasons psychological,
Appearance chronological,
Completely illogical.
The surrounding forest will begin to wilt,
And then we’ll enter the void.

The misery starts to spread,
the people felt the pain.
they ask us why,
I say the tower has filled them with dread.
And they scream, “We must retake our domain!”

The builders clad in battle armor,
all were quite deceived.
They venture out,
to kill the farmer
of the thoughts that they once believed.

Towers are built
And towers are destroyed.
Mind abduction,
Self destruction,
Endless production,
By the people’s instruction.
They had sewn the quilt
Of what they must try and avoid.

You and I stood and stared,
As the army reached the tower.
Then something happened, unimagined.
The army became impaired,
and we could feel an unknown power.

The black clouds did part,
the sunshine came.
The people watched,
as the tower fell apart.
And they found only themselves to blame.

God, this is no where near as good as you kind people who read my blog deserve. But, it'll have to do. Hopefully I'll be able to think of some real entries in the future.

Read these lyrics to "Hemispheres" and dare tell me that Neil Peart isn't brilliant:

Cygnus X-1 Book II

I Prelude

When our weary world was young
The struggle of the Ancients first began
The Gods of Love and Reason
Sought alone to rule the fate of Man

They battled through the ages
But still neither force would yeild
Their people were divided
Every sould a battlefield...

II Apollo Bringer of Wisdom

'I bring Truth, and Understanding
I bring Wit, and Wisdom fair
Precious gifts beyond compare
We can build a world of wonder
I can make you all aware'

'I will find you food and shelter
Show you fire to keep you warm
Through the endless winter storm
You can live in grace and comfort
In the world that you transform'

The people were delighted
Coming forth to claim their prize
They ran to build their cities
And converse among the wise

but one day the streets fell silent
Yet they knew not what was wrong
The urge to build these fine things
Seemed not to be so strong

The wise men were consulted
And the Bridge of Death was crossed
In quest of Dionysus
To find out what they had lost...

III Dionysus Bringer of Love

'I bring Love to give you solace
In the darkness of the night
In the heart's eternal light
You need only trust your feelings
Only Love can steer you right'

'I bring Laughter, I bring Music
I bring Joy, and I bring Tears
I will soothe your primal fears
Throw off those chains of Reason
And you prison disappears'

The cities were abandoned
and the forests echoed song
They danced and lived as brothers
They knew Love could not be wrong

Food and wine they had aplenty
And they slept beneath the stars
The people were contented
And the Gods watched from afar

But the winter fell upon them
And it caught them unprepared
Bringing wolves and could starvation
And the hearts of men despaired...

IV Armageddon The Battle of Heart and Mind

The Universe divided
As the Heart and Mind collided
With our people left unguided
For so many troubled years
In a cloud of doubts and fears
Our world was torn asunder
Into hollow hemispheres

Some fought themselves, some fought eachother
Must just followed one another
Lost and aimless like their brothers
For their Hearts were so unclear
And the Truth could not appear
Their spirits were divided
Into blinded hemispheres

Some who did not fight
Brought tales of old to light
My 'Rocinante' sailed by night
On her final flight

To the heart of Cygnus' fearsome force
We set our course
Spiralled through that timeless space
To this immortal place

V Cygnus Bringer of Balance

I have memory and awareness
But I have no shape or form
As a disembodied spirit
I am dead and yet unborn

I have passed into Olympus
As was told in tales of old
To the City of Immortals
Marble white and purest gold

I see the Gods in battle rage on high
Thunderbolts across the sky
I cannot move, I cannot hide
I feel a silent scream begin inside

Then all at once the Chaos ceased
A stillness fell, a sudden peace
The Warriors felt my silent cry
And stayed their struggle, mystified

Apollo was astonished
Dionysus thought me mad
But they heard my story further
And they wondered, and were sad

Looking down from Olympus
On a world of doubt and fear
It's surface splintered into
Sorry hemispheres

They sat awhile in silence
Then they turned at last to me
'We will call you Cygnus,
The God of Balance you shall be'

VI The Sphere A Kind of Dream

We can walk our road together
If our goals are all the same
We can run alone and free
If we pursue a different aim

Let the truth of Love be lighted
Let the love of Truth shine clear
Armed with sense and liberty
With the Heart and Mind united
In a single perfect sphere

That's it. Pure brilliance. With the music it is a masterpiece, I would definatly suggest you pick it up sometime. Later all.
Thursday, March 11, 2004
Ok, so my last post was shitty. This is harder than I thought. To come up with something interesting to say all the time. Hopefully today's will be better.

I rediscovered my Foo Fighters CD "The Colour and The Shape". It is a simple pop/rock cd, with similar chord progressions in every song, similar melodies, and simple lyrics. However, it is incredible. It is proof that good bands can sell today. I would even go so far as to say that it is beautiful. To get the full effect one must listen to the whole thing through, not just the hits. I've been trying to figure out what makes it so good lately and I think I've just pinpointed it. It has soul. Each song has meaning. And I don't just mean good lyrics or that there are pussy ballads and shit. But, in the melodies, in their simplicity, you can feel it.

That was pretty much all I had to say about it. I would defiantly pick it up if I were you. Now, onward to the real topic: Pie! Why pie? Because I couldn't think of anything to write about so I asked Tanya what she thought I should write about.

Pie is a staple dessert for any gathering, ranging from pumpkin to meat to apple (my personal favorite), but, did you ever wonder how pie was invented. It leads you to think of how any dish is invented. Imagine coming up with the idea for a sandwich. Probably persecuted for his beliefs, much like Galileo or Jesus. I have read that only one or two real original recipes are invented each year! I tried to do one myself... very hard (side note: don't mix coffee and urine).

Also, thinking about pie makes me think of... nothing, I really got nothing. Pie... I can't write about pie!

Starting over:

Something really bothered me the other day. I was thinking of changing the set up of my Blog and I had decided to do one, but I was going to wait to get some more things posted, then Chris Ray changed his set up to the one I was going to! I already had the same set up as him before, because I wanted mine to be the bare minimum, just the words... and apparently the set up that showed that he chose too. So, now I'd look like I was copying him. However, I guess that's something that has always been a problem with me, copying. I have a strong belief in originality. Innovation is the key to everything and looking around our modern world I don't see much innovation happening. I feel like it is my duty to do so. Of course I can never succeed, but I feel that my plight will set me up as a martyr for the future. So that others more talented as I can come in and change things.

I guess that's what I feel the world needs. Some change. That's what we all need. However, change is a frightening thing that many people do not want to deal with. They want it all to be the same, all to be familiar, and under their control. The truth is that nothing is under our control and nothing is the same. We only tell ourselves it is because it is familiar and comforting. Something needs to come and wake everybody up. That's not what life is for! And, the only thing that can do that is something original, something innovative, some change.

Also, you could argue that there is nothing you can do for those people, that that is what life is for, for them. And that it takes people who can "see the light" to live life like it was meant to be lived, for them. Life is what you make it, literally, there is no wrong way to do it (those of you who say those who take drugs, kill themselves, or all that other stuff are living it wrong, you're wrong, once again, it is all subjective). So, I just rambled for no reason.

To recap: Innovation is key, examples, "The Colour and The Shape" by the Foo Fighters, I've never heard anything quite like this, and it seemed to make lots of people happy, just listen to it on a nice summer day and try not to smile while looking up at the wondrous blue sky; pie, just imagine thinking up pie, what an idea, once again, something that makes people happy, eat a piece of pie and tell me you don't have a warm feeling inside.

Maybe that's the point of it all. To make yourself and others happy (which go hand in hand, by the way). Happiness is really all that's important if you think about it. So, if you get nothing else from this Blog, get this: be happy, make others happy, and just live.

Good night kiddies!

If there are any contradictions in this work (which I know there are a few and exactly where they are) and you bring them up to me... then you obviously missed the point of this Blog... loser.
Sunday, March 07, 2004
I couldn't think of something interesting to write about this time (well, actually I did, but I can't remember... it pisses me off). So, I asked Jeremy what I should write about. He said "pyro stuff", however, not being a pyromaniac I couldn't think of anything, so he said I should make a list of things I want to light on fire, so, here it is:

1. Ebert and Roeper
2. A car
3. Mrs. Louis
4. The Fed
5. Mrs. Foley (no relation to Mr. Foley, the beast)
6. Micheal Savage
7. A weasel
8. A can of bugspray
9. A cat
10. A bus full of nuns
11. Westborough High School
12. A huge pile of pants
13. A television set
14. A bomb
15. Someone's hair
16. The advertising company that does Old Navy commercials
17. My left hand (it is unusally itchy)
18. Anyone who is against pornography
19. Anyone who has ever pissed me off... ever
20. A moose

That's enough, I got nothing else. This is was definatly not as good as I thought it was gonna be, but I'm gonna do use it anyway, if it sucks enough, I'll take it back and write something new.

I don't have a real poignant thing to say, but if you want something to think about, here you go: Sunrises and sunsets are very cool, if you see the right ones they are sometimes breath-taking. However, if it was not for the pollution that we have caused, they would not look as amazing.

Hope you get that point and think about it well... later.

Disclamer: Everything I put on that list was for comedy and was all a joke. So, if you are one of those losers who gets offended or wants to black mail me or something, you can't because I have this bad boy to save me... sucker.
Friday, March 05, 2004
Hey all. I've been feeling much better as of yesterday and today... not that you care, but it means something to me. I've been seeing how hard it is to keep one of these going, I knew I could never do one a day, but still, this is difficult, I forget about it and then I'm just like, "oh yeah, I need to write something".

Why did I just say all that? I have no idea, probably just some filler. However, I do have a topic to discuss today, one that I have been thinking about for a long time and remembered while giving an interview to Eric for his "I-Search" paper, if you aren't familiar with such a thing... I envy you, and talking to my English teacher (Mrs. Trahan) about my bad grammar.

What I want to discuss is how language plays a role in our lives. From vocabulary to grammar to word choice to well, anything; I think that for the most part it is bullshit. I mean, obviously we have to have language, so that we can express ourselves, but people rely too heavily on it. They forget that it is the idea or concept that is important, not the words or how you say it. Of course you can say the same thing different ways and they subtly mean different things; but I just think the idea of having proper grammar all the time is bogus. As long as the idea gets across then what is the problem.

You could say I'm being a minimalist... or a person that sucks at English with a little vocabulary who gets pissed when people use large words. I can assure you, I am not the second choice. And, if you think I'm a minimalist, I guess I don't mind. This idea comes from Taoism (and if you know me well, you're probably sick of hearing about Taoism from me, but, I'm sorry, it's just really good). In Taoism one of the things that it tries to make you realize is that words are just that... words. They are descriptions, a table isn't a "table", it's just a thing that we put stuff on. A chair isn't a "chair", it's something we sit in. We just gave it that name so that we would all understand when someone referred to it. I'd say the same thing goes for regular conversation.

An example of this is AIM. On this conversational medium there are not only acronyms that don't make any sense unless thought about but there are shortened ways of saying things that aren't grammatically correct, but it is understood. Typing "u" instead of "you" is understood, typing "luv" instead of "love" is accepted, and typing "nm" is recognized as "not much". However, if you are typing an essay you would never dare to use these things, it isn't "proper".

Now, I'm not saying that it should be acceptable to write essays using such things (to be honest a lot of this crap just shows how lazy we are and annoys me), but I'm pointing out how language really isn't as important as we thought. Who cares if I wrote an essay or it was Socrates, as long as the idea was expressed, who cares how it was said.

God, I've wasted so much time in English class. We all have. Past sixth grade it really serves no purpose. Speaking of a waste of time in English class, I should send this to Mrs. Foley of the Gibbons Middle School, who would shit her pants if she read this. But, she can give me a rim job for all I care, I hate her.

But, I digress. I love language, specifically the English language (I don't know what it is about it, but it just appeals to me so much); I mean, as a writer you have to. But, I'm saying that we shouldn't kid ourselves, it's just an inefficient way of expressing ideas. And, for those of you who think I'm wrong, you can:

fuck(click to hear the word) (fk) Vulgar Slang
v. fucked, fuck·ing, fucks
v. tr.
To have sexual intercourse with.
To take advantage of, betray, or cheat; victimize.
Used in the imperative as a signal of angry dismissal.
v. intr.
To engage in sexual intercourse.
To act wastefully or foolishly.
To interfere; meddle. Often used with with.
An act of sexual intercourse.
A partner in sexual intercourse.
A despised person.
Used as an intensive: What the fuck did you do that for?
Used to express extreme displeasure.

(click to hear the word) (ôf, f)
From a place or position: drove off.

At a certain distance in space or time: a mile off; a week off.
From a given course or route; aside: swerved off into a ditch.
Into a state of unconsciousness: I must have dozed off.

So as to be no longer on, attached, or connected: shaved off his mustache.
So as to be divided: marked off the playing field by yards.
So as to be no longer continuing, operating, or functioning: switched off the radio.
So as to be completely removed, finished, or eliminated: kill off the mice.
So as to be smaller, fewer, or less: Sales dropped off.
So as to be away from work or duty: They took a day off.

Distant or removed; farther: the off side of the barn.
Remote; slim: stopped by on the off chance that they're home.
Not on, attached, or connected: with my shoes off.
Not operating or operational: The oven is off.
No longer taking place; canceled: The wedding is off.
Slack: Production was off this year.

Not up to standard; below a normal or satisfactory level: Your pitching is off today.
Not accurate; incorrect: Your statistical results are off.
Somewhat crazy; eccentric: I think that person is a little off.
Started on the way; going: I'm off to see the president.

Absent or away from work or duty: She's off every Tuesday.
Spent away from work or duty: My off day is Saturday.

Being on the right side of an animal or vehicle.
Being the animal or vehicle on the right.
Nautical Farthest from the shore; seaward.
Sports Toward or designating the side of the field facing the batsman in cricket.
So as to be removed or distant from: The bird hopped off the branch.
Away or relieved from: off duty.

By consuming: living off locusts and honey.
With the means provided by: living off my pension.
Informal From: "What else do you want off me?" (Jimmy Breslin).
Extending or branching out from: an artery off the heart.
Not up to the usual standard of: off his game.
So as to abstain from: went off narcotics.
Nautical To seaward of: a mile off Sandy Hook.
v. offed, off·ing, offs
v. intr.
To go away; leave: Off or I'll call the police.
v. tr. Slang
To murder.

You decide what I meant. Language is too complex, I didn't just tell you to "fuck off", I told you hundreds of different things. But, anyway, until next time, bye.
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
I've been feeling really depressed these last few days. I really can't even bring myself to write a whole entry, so instead I've written a poem for you all to read. Tell me what you think.

Love Guides and Hope Blinds

My eyes see a world,
Misconstrued by tears,
What is real,
And what are lies,
I cannot tell.

I cry to the heavens,
And rain does fall,
Onto my blind eyes,
Hopefully to wash away the tears,
But hope is just as blind.

With my hands I try to feel for,
The love around me,
A staggering fool,
I find nothing,
Except for the monster I have become.

But still I venture,
Giving up is not an option,
I must search,
In the darkness,
For guiding eyes.

My feet swelling with pain,
I stop to rest,
My quest proving fruitless,
I lie down,
And am lifted.

The arms of another,
Carrying me,
I feel their face and listen to their voice,
And feel their beauty,
And hear their wonder.

Soon we reach a new place,
Many voices,
I can feel the presence of many others,
Their warmth.

The one who carried me,
Now hands me a rag,
To dry my eyes,
So I may see the real world,
The love of others.

When I remove the now damp rag,
From my eyes,
I expect to see a utopia,
A world of joy,
Where I can see truth from lie.

All I see are more staggering fools,
Blind as I,
And the one who carried me,

On a lighter note check this out: http://www.tady.cz/hosaka/woohoo.gif

Until next time, good bye.

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